What are the most important practical pieces of advice that St. John Chrysostom gives to parents?

First: Choose the child’s name thoughtfully. St. John Chrysostom believes that the first lesson to be offered by the parents to their children is picking their name. He addressed this issue in some length, requesting that the child should not be called after a family member, but after a martyr, saint, or bishop.¹⁷⁹⁴ He wanted parents to realize that the child belongs to the heavenly family, much more than to them or their families. A child should take pride in his name which was given to him, so that he may imitate the martyrs, apostles and bishops, devoting all his heart to God. Based on this advice, some people believe that the best gift to be offered to a child, after his birth or baptism, is an icon of the saint after whom he was named.

Second: Teach children to be satisfied and content . The wise says : “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted calf with hatred” (Prov. 15:16–17).

Third: Guide them towards scripture. Parents are the first to reap the very first fruits of this kind of guidance, for Scripture trains the child to obey his parents and so, the parents will find in their children the spirit of meekness and obedience towards them.

“Having made the necessary exhortation to children, the Apostle addresses himself also to the fathers, saying: You fathers … bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). Do you want your child to be obedient? Then from the beginning bring him up in

1792 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 7.

1793 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 8.

1794 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 47.

the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Do not think that it is not necessary for a child to listen to the Scriptures; the first thing he will hear from them will be, Honor thy father and mother (Ex. 20:12), and immediately you will begin to reap your reward. Do not say, Bible is for monks; am I turning my child into a monk? No! It is not necessary for him to be a monk. Make him into a Christian!”¹⁷⁹⁵

Fourth: Entrust them into God’s hand. “Entrust him to the One who is able to make him great. And who is that? God. Hannah commended Samuel into the hands of God. The high priest Eli had no real ability to form him, since he even failed to form his own children. It was the mothers faith and zeal that made everything possible.”¹⁷⁹⁶

Fifth: Realize that God personally cares about children’s upbringing. These souls are valuable in His eyes, for He is the one who placed the virtue of fatherhood and motherhood in parents, and through this drive (parenthood), both parents feel committed to the upbringing of their children.

“God Himself takes great care over the upbringing of children. That is why He placed such a natural attraction in parents toward their children—in order to put parents in unescapable necessity of caring for their children. Subsequently, He created laws concerning their care, and, establishing the feasts, commanded us to explain their meaning. He summed up the meaning of the Passover in this instruction: ‘And you shall tell your son in that day, saying, “This is done because of what the Lord did for me when I came up from Egypt”’ (Ex. 13:8). He does the same in the Law. For, telling of the first-born, He adds again: ‘So it shall be, when your son asks you in time to come, saying, “What is this?” that you shall say to him, “By strength of hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. And it came to pass, when Pharaoh was stubborn about letting us go, that the Lord killed all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man and the firstborn of beast. Therefore I sacrifice to the Lord all males that open the womb, but all the firstborn of my sons I redeem”’ (Ex. 13:14–15). Through all of this He commands him to lead the children to the knowledge of God. Even to the children themselves He commands much with respect to the parents, rewarding the obedient and punishing the disobedient, thereby making them even more dear to their parents.”¹⁷⁹⁷

Sixth : Value children and their abilities . St. John Chrysostom looks at children with awe and pride, seeing in children philosophers in formation, athletes in training, and citizens

1795 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 14.

1796 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 16.

1797 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 26.

shaped and prepared to dwell in heaven.¹⁷⁹⁸ The saint views children as a city with walls and many gates. This city is ruled by good rulers or judges as well as by evildoers. Thus, the child needs laws to end wrong behaviors, since leniency will lead to the destruction of that city.¹⁷⁹⁹ The city gates, which need guarding, are the five senses: the tongue (taste and speech), sight, smell, touch, and hearing.¹⁸⁰⁰

Seventh: Show compassion and restraint with physical punishments. St. Cyprian of Carthage says, “If you truly love your child and want to reveal to him the sweetness of the perfect eternal love, you ought to be more compassionate, for through your righteous acts you entrust your children to God.”

St. John Chrysostom believes that a wise father (or mother) ought to refrain from continuously using physical punishments (which he refers to as “the rod”). If the “rod” is constantly used, the child will learn to despise it, will not care about the punishment, and will therefore not learn to love virtue.¹⁸⁰¹ St. Augustine says, “Chastisement should be preceded with mercy, not anger.”

Eighth: Let the education and training of children be according to their individual abilities.¹⁸⁰²

Ninth: Educate children by being a role model.

Tenth: Surround children with people who will have a positive impact on them.

Eleventh: Sanctify children’s senses. The Didache says, “The glory of fathers is the holiness of their children.”

Twelfth: Parents should lead their children towards purity of heart.¹⁸⁰³

1798 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): chs. 38–39.

1799 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): chs. 23–26.

1800 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): chs. 27–37.

1801 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 30.

1802 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 52.

1803 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): chs. 66–74.

Thirteenth: Do not allow children to go to the theatre,¹⁸⁰⁴ and encourage them to marry young.

Fourteenth: Do not introduce false ideas into children’s minds.

Fifteenth: Care about the salvation of your children. “We demand an account from them of what they learned in their secular institutes—why do we not demand an account from them of what they heard in the Lord’s house?”¹⁸⁰⁵

Sixteenth: Encourage children to be consecrated . “The holy children who consecrate their lives and hearts (to God), become a help for their fathers’ sake. Because of David the Prophet, God blessed his son, Solomon, and some of his grandchildren such as Hezekiah the King. Samuel the Prophet was also the fruit of the prayers of his mother, and he himself was a blessing to his mother.”

Seventeenth: Teach your children before time teaches them (at much greater cost!). “If good fathers would strive to give their children a good upbringing, then we would need neither laws, judges, courts, nor punishments. Executioners exist because we have no morality.”¹⁸⁰⁶

Eighteenth: Prepare them for a holy marriage . “Let us take wives for them early, so that they would unite themselves to their brides with pure and incorrupt bodies.”¹⁸⁰⁷