What is St. John Chrysostom’s advice to parents about raising their children?

St. John Chrysostom views the role of the parents in raising their children as sacred, and they practice it to offer God the sacrifices of thanksgiving that are pleasing to Him. He affirms that he is not asking every child to assume the monastic life or to be prepared for it, but he exhorts parents to “Raise up an athlete for Christ and teach him though he is living in the world to be reverent from his earliest youth.”¹⁷⁷⁷ Since he calls it a holy matter (raising of children), it is fitting for both parents to approach their children, not just from their birth but even when they are in their mother’s womb, as divine sanctities in a spirit of godliness, supported by the Holy Spirit that they may offer to God the best of them. Children are the gift of God, and fathers and mothers are entrusted with this precious gift.

St. John Chrysostom says, “Having children is a matter of nature; but raising them and educating them in the virtues is a matter of mind and will.”¹⁷⁷⁸ “By the duty of raising them I mean not only not allowing them to die of hunger, as people often limit their obligation toward their children to doing. For this, is needed neither books nor rubrics, for nature speaks of it quite loudly. I am speaking of the concern for educating children’s hearts in virtues and piety—a sacred duty which cannot be transgressed without thereby becoming guilty of the children’s murder, in a certain sense.”¹⁷⁷⁹

“This obligation belongs to fathers as well as mothers. There are fathers who spare nothing in order to secure for their children teachers of pleasure and to pander to their cravings as wealthy heirs. But so that the children would be Christians, so that they would exercise themselves in piety, is of little need to them. O criminal blindness! It is this very crude inattention that is responsible for all the disorder that causes our society to groan. Let us suppose that you have acquired large property for them. However, if they do not know how to conduct themselves sensibly this property will not last long with them. It will be squandered; it will perish with its owners, and will be their most grievous inheritance.”¹⁷⁸⁰

“Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them

1776 Shepherd of Hermas Book 2, Commandment 4.1 (ANF 2:21).

1777 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 19.

1778 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 1.

1779 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 2.

1780 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 3.

rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.”¹⁷⁸¹

St. John Chrysostom focused on the following, with regards to the raising of children:

First: Our possessions should not distract us from bringing up our children. “First of all educate your son’s soul, and he will acquire possessions later. If his soul is bad he will not receive the slightest benefit from money. And vice versa, if he has been given the proper upbringing, then poverty will not harm him in the least. Do you want to leave him wealthy? Teach him to be good. For children who have not received the proper upbringing poverty is better than wealth.”¹⁷⁸²

Second: Do not rebuke them as outcasts but as children . “Let us not suffer them to do anything which is agreeable but injurious; nor let us indulge them, as though they were but little children.”¹⁷⁸³ “Do not provoke your children to wrath, as many do by disinheriting them, and disowning them, and treating them overbearingly, not as free, but as slaves.”¹⁷⁸⁴

Third: Teach them the love of true wisdom . “If from the beginning we teach them to love true wisdom, they will have greater wealth and glory than riches can provide. If a child learns a trade, or is highly educated for a lucrative profession all this is nothing compared to the art of detachment from riches; if you want to make your child rich, teach him this. He is truly rich who does not desire great possessions or surround himself with wealth, but who requires nothing.”¹⁷⁸⁵

Fourth: Give them the great things, not the little things. “Do not ask how he can enjoy a long life here, but how he can enjoy an infinite and eternal life in the age to come. Give him the great things, not the little things. Do not strive to make him a clever orator, but teach him to love true wisdom … I do not mean that worldly learning is worthless and to be ignored, but it should not be an exclusive preoccupation.”¹⁷⁸⁶

Fifth: Leave them in God’s hands! “Why do you refuse to imitate the holy men and women of old? Tell me! Especially you mothers; think of Hannah’s example; look at what she did. She brought Samuel, her only son, to the temple, when he was only an infant! (1

1781 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 4.

1782 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 37.

1783 St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on 1 Timothy 9 (NPNF I/13:436) amended.

1784 St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians 21 (NPNF I/13:153).

1785 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 16.

1786 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 16.

Sam. 1:28) … Hannah commended Samuel into the hands of God. She had only one object: how from the very beginning she could dedicate her hearts delight to God. Be ashamed, you men, at the wisdom of this woman.”¹⁷⁸⁷

Sixth: Follow the footsteps of those parents who cared for their children. “Imitate Job, who continually looked after his children and offered sacrifices for mercy towards any secret misdeeds they might have committed (Job 1:5). Imitate Abraham, who concerned himself less with the acquisition of riches than with the keeping of God’s law by every member of his house, and about whom the Lord witnessed: For I know that he will order his sons, and his house after him, and they will keep the ways of the Lord, to do justice and judgment (Gen. 18:19).”¹⁷⁸⁸

Seventh: Early attention to the upbringing of children. St. John Chrysostom urged the people of God to start as early as possible in upbringing their children. The child at the beginning of his life is more receptive to instruction.¹⁷⁸⁹ If one delays in paying attention to their child, it becomes more difficult to change the child’s personality or to instruct him to what is better.¹⁷⁹⁰ “If the Apostle commands us to take more care for others than for ourselves, and if we are guilty when we neglect their benefit, then is it not a much greater guilt when this concerns those who are so near to us? Was it not I, the Lord will say to us, Who gave place to these children in your family? Was it not I Who entrusted them to your care, making you masters, guardians and judges over them? I gave you complete authority over them; I placed all care for their upbringing in your hands. You will tell me that they did not want to bend their necks to the yoke, that they threw it off. But this should have been averted from the very beginning; you should have mastered their first impressions placed the reigns on them before they had the power to break away from them. You should have bent their young souls under the yoke of duty, accustomed them to it, educated them in accordance with it, bound the wound when it first opened. You should have uprooted the tares when they first began to sprout around the young plant, and not have waited until they put down deep roots, when the passions have become uncontrollable and untamable through gradual strengthening in their formation.”¹⁷⁹¹

1787 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 16.

1788 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 11.

1789 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 20.

1790 St. John Chrysostom, “Vainglory and The Right Way for Parents to Bring Up Their Children,” trans. Max L. W. Laistner, in Christianity and Pagan Culture in the Later Roman Empire (Cornell University Press, 1951): ch. 21.

1791 Orthodox Christian Information Centre. Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children , 5.

“Children who are submissive and faithful to God in their obedience to His law will have found an abundant source of happiness, even in this temporal life. A poor man with Christian morals inspires respect and love from others. Meanwhile, with an evil and depraved heart, all your riches will not save you from the displeasure and aversion of everyone around you.”¹⁷⁹²

“The youth to whom you give a good upbringing will not only enjoy general respect, he will also become dearer to you yourselves! Your attachment to him will not be a mere natural attraction—it will be the fruit of his virtue. For this, during your old age, you will in turn receive from him the services of his filial love. He will be your support. For just as those who do not revere the Lord also have contempt for their own parents, those who revere God, the Father of all men, will have every respect for those who gave them life.”¹⁷⁹³