What makes a husband and wife equal?

St. Clement of Alexandria says, “Let us recognize, too, that both men and women practise the same sort of virtue. Surely, if there is but one God for both, then there is but one Educator for both. One Church, one virtue, one modesty, a common food, wedlock in common, breath, sight, hearing, knowledge, hope, obedience, love, all are alike [in man and woman]. They who possess life in common, grace in common, and salvation in common have also virtue in common and, therefore, education too.”¹⁷²⁸

St. Ambrose says, “Let a husband also guide his wife like a steersman, honor her as the partner of his life, share with her as a joint heir of grace.”¹⁷²⁹ He also says, “One who is without a wife is regarded as being without a home.”¹⁷³⁰

St. John Chrysostom says, “To love therefore is the husband’s part, to yield pertains to the other side (the woman). If then each one contributes his own part, all stands firm. From being loved, the wife too becomes loving; and from her being submissive, the husband becomes yielding. And see how in nature also it has been so ordered, that the one should love, the other obey … Not because your husband loves you, you become puffed up. For this cause He has made you to be loved, O wife, that you may easily bear your subjection. Fear not in being a subject; for subjection to one that loves you has no hardship.”¹⁷³¹

“Take then yourself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yes, even if it shall be needful for you to give your life for her! Yes, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times! Yes, and to endure and undergo any suffering then, whatever, refuse it not.”¹⁷³²

“Though you see her looking down upon you, disdaining, and scorning you, yet by your great thoughtfulness for her, by affection and kindness, you will be able to subject her to you. There is nothing more powerful to sway than these bonds, and especially for the husband and wife! … Yes, in spite of what you would suffer, in some issues, on her account, do not upbraid her; for Christ did not do this.”¹⁷³³

1727 St. Clement of Alexandria, The Instructor or Christ the Educator 2.10 (FOTC 23:164).

1728 St. Clement of Alexandria, The Instructor or Christ the Educator 1.4.10 (FOTC 23:11–12).

1729 St. Ambrose of Milan, Letters 1–91 59 (FOTC 26:361).

1730 St. Ambrose of Milan, Paradise 11.50 (FOTC 42:329).

1731 St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Colossians 10 (NPNF I/13:304) amended.

1732 St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians 20 (NPNF I/13:144) amended.

1733 St. John Chrysostom, Homilies on Ephesians 20 (NPNF I/13:144) amended.

St. John Chrysostom calls both to love each other, for he says, “For there is nothing which so welds our life together as the love of man and wife.”¹⁷³⁴ “For a young woman who is discreet and ingenuous, and whose heart is set on piety, is worth more than the whole world’s money. Tell her that you love her more than your own life. For this present life is worth nothing.”¹⁷³⁵

Origen says, “A husband and wife are one, as wine and water are one when mixed together. A non-believing spouse corrupts the believer. For this reason, him who is not yet married, should be attentive, either not to marry at all or marry in the Lord.”¹⁷³⁶

St. Augustine says, “If, therefore, there is a like rule in the said law of marriage between man and woman, to such an extent that not merely of the woman has the same apostle said, ‘The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.’ But he has not been silent respecting him, saying, ‘And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does’ — if, then, the rule is similar, there is no necessity for understanding that it is lawful for a woman to put away her husband, except for the cause of fornication, as is the case also with the husband.”¹⁷³⁷