What is the measure of my fear of the Lord?

Only the depths of a person’s own soul can measure the state of his own inner soul. St. Philoxenus of Mabbug says, “The experience of the fear of God, therefore, is with the soul, and only a human being is able to know whether or not he fears God … If you have remembered God and have trembled, and [if] you have brought him to mind and immediately you have been filled with fear, and [if] your thoughts have shuddered with your members and your soul has trembled with your body, and [if] your mind has bowed down its head and your intellect has become secretly modest before God—if these things are happening to you, know that the fear of God is in you and the memory of the Lord is truly near to you.”³⁸⁵

The other measure of our souls that gauges one’s degree of the fear of the Lord and constant remembrance of Him that St. Philoxenus puts forward is whether we exhibit hypocrisy or not. He gives many examples of this, such as: putting on the garment of purity on the outside while the garment of lust and adultery clothes the inside; fasting externally while craving the pleasures of food internally; practicing gentleness and meekness externally

383 St. Philoxenus of Mabbug, The Discourses of Philoxenus of Mabbug: A New Translation and Introduction trans., Robert A. Kitchen (Collegeville, Minnesota: Liturgical Press, 2013) 6.23 (175–176): p. 139.

384 St. Philoxenus of Mabbug, The Discourses of Philoxenus of Mabbug: A New Translation and Introduction trans., Robert A. Kitchen (Collegeville, Minnesota: Liturgical Press, 2013) 6.24 (176): p. 139.

385 St. Philoxenus of Mabbug, The Discourses of Philoxenus of Mabbug: A New Translation and Introduction, trans., Robert A. Kitchen (Collegeville, Minnesota: Liturgical Press, 2013) 6:26 (177–178): pp. 140–141.

while one’s temper is violent internally; or attending church prayer meetings without praying hidden prayers in one’s chamber.³⁸⁶